You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Genesis 50:20 I have often been asked why I smile so much when the pain that I’ve been through is so great. The easy answer is: God wins. No matter how much I hate what’s happened to me and my the children; no matter how much I blame and hold on to anger; no matter how many knots I tie my stomach in; how loud I shout; how much I stamp my feet: if I hold onto all that, I destroy the very being that God created me to be.
Two of my favourite parts of the Bible are Psalms 139 and the book of Esther. God saw us before we were even born. He planted in our hearts our desires, wants, talents, His plans and purposes. Just like Esther, we were born for such a time as this. There was no mistake in your existence. Every hair on your head and wrinkle on your body was designed by the Creator. He has planted in you a desire for relationship, a relationship with Him. If you learn to walk closely with Him and give over your life, He will give you so much more in return.
I stand every day in the knowledge that I am created for such a time as this. That God has a plan and a purpose for my life that will bless not only me but those around me.
Sometimes I am worried about the way our world perceives that. We come from a world where anything is possible – superhero’s, wealth, superstardom, beauty. Some Christians talk about us being hero’s of the faith and automatically talk about great heroes like David and Moses. However, we are not all called to be David and Moses. And in this world where anything is possible, that kind of hero believing can lead to disappointment. I have seen Christians who are depressed because they are financially poor or they do not have a job that they feel is big enough for them. Surely if God loves them they’d be raking in the money and be famous for their minds and strength. That kind of Christianity I’m afraid is all hype. We often miss the one or two lines of characters in the Bible who on paper, seemed to have a small part to the bigger Biblical characters. But they played their part. If Miriam’s sister wouldn’t have hung about waiting for her brother to be found, Moses would have died and not had the heritage that he did. There is a part for everyone to play.
My first part as a solo parent was silence. I had to keep silent in order to protect the children. There are thousands of stories of women who stay in an abusive relationships in order to protect the children. As onlookers we sit comfortable in our chairs of judgement calling them insane! Surely it’s safer to run? Sometimes it isn’t. We need to learn to get alongside those men and women who are struggling in an abusive relationship and not judge or give advice, but just be there for them and love them because that is probably what they need.
My second part was to find my roar. That came with the second round of litigation. I finally believed in who God knew I already was – a daughter of the Highest King. Yes of course I already knew who I was, but I had not moved it from head knowledge into heart knowledge. Not only did I learn to understand this, but I started to realise it right down to the very core of my being. God knew me and loved me whatever I had done or not done. Just like we love our own children, God loves us like that and so much more. The Bible is so full of God's promises to us.
My part now is sharing my journey with you in the hope of encouraging and strengthing your own adventures with God. He loves the very core of you. There is nothing that you can do that can separate you from His love.